We Interrupt This Program...

Fuck you, you bitch.  First you try to point the finger at me when a deposit isn't showing up in the system.  Guess what?!?  Per your directions, I gave it to you because my co-worker was out. YOU, the all perfect supervisor of our dept, left it sitting on your desk for over a week.  How is that my problem?  It's not.  Stop blaming me.

Now it's this account rec you gave me last month.  I've got the mother fucking thing exactly the way you asked, with all the formulas and lookups exactly as they should be, and it's still not adding up.  I was working on it all day yesterday, and all morning this morning.  I know you asked me to tell you by noon if it was going to be a problem.  When I checked with you at noon, it was going fine.  Just adjusting formulas that I'd missed.  Then I kept at it, and still couldn't find the error.  I stayed late, got in here early...  I even went back to previous years!  The SAME ERROR is in PREVIOUS YEARS!  How did you justify the variance?  Did you just bury it somewhere?  The variance doesn't reflect in your rec, so where did you put it?  Cuz the math don't work, and it doesn't make sense why.  So don't be bitching to me that it puts you behind.  I really don't give a shit, and I am in NO MOOD to deal with your prissy attitude. 

I can't wait to hear how you resolve this one.  I better get a FUCKING APOLOGY.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress...


UPDATE:  Thanks for taking 30 minutes of my time to tell me you missed an entry three months ago.  And for telling me that the enormous variance is because we're calculating everything with last year's rates.

Me: "But if we pay this out now, it'll be at this year's rate.  What difference does it make if they EARNED it at last year's rate when we're going to PAY it at this year's rate?  Doesn't that throw the budgets off?"

Her: "Well, that's a problem we have every year and we try to explain..."

"If we calculate it at the real rate it would be paid out, then the other depts will have more accurate information, and there won't be this huge issue about it at the end of the year when it catches up." 

"Excellent point.  Great catch.  Maybe you can add a column to this month's rec to make the adjustment and then going forward we'll use the current rates."

WHAT?!?  Did no one ever complain enough for you guys to track this properly?  This is my 2nd time ever looking at this monster spreadsheet and I picked that up right out of the gate.  What is so difficult?  (deep breath, now smile...)  "Sounds good.  I'll show it to you before we post anything to the GL.  Is there any other piece of this spreadsheet anywhere else that I may have overlooked?  I don't want to MISS another entry and end up in this same situation a month from now."

"Just make sure you format it like this and you pull the information from each tab like you did.  Then it should work."

Uh huh.  Like it worked the FIRST time.  Right.  I got it.